MICHAEL PRESCOTT

New York Times & USA Today bestselling author

Below is a list of all my books. Click on the links to purchase Kindle editions at Amazon. Most are also available on Kobo, Nook, Scribd, and other platforms, and as trade paperbacks.

I'm not the only Michael Prescott who writes books. If a book by "Michael Prescott" isn't listed here, it's not mine.

The Bonnie Parker series

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Bonnie Parker is a small-town private detective on the Jersey shore who just happens to be named after America's most notorious female outlaw, the distaff half of Bonnie & Clyde. And though no one can prove it, she's an outlaw in her own right, willing to supplement her PI duties by acting as a professional assassin. For a price, and when circumstances warrant it, she'll take extreme measures to solve her clients' problems — permanently. 

Bonnie is experienced and tough – but she's never gone up against a man like Pascal, a globetrotting hit man who has raised murder to the level of a fine art. During a turbulent summer night, while Bonnie struggles to untangle a web of deception that stretches to the jungles of South America, she and Pascal face off in a blistering battle for survival — a battle only one of them can win.
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Small-town PI and part-time assassin Bonnie Parker may have thought the hit on Alec Dante was pretty routine—but Alec's uncle, mob underboss Frank Lazzaro, has other ideas. He's sworn to avenge Alec's death, and he's willing to wade through an ocean of blood to do it. 

But Bonnie's troubles don't end there. A street gang is gunning for her. A local police chief thinks he has the evidence to put her away. And a hurricane named Sandy is about to make landfall ...

It all adds up to a superstorm of murder, conspiracy, and betrayal. In a desperate fight, Bonnie will need all her skills to save herself as the storm waters rise. 
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Small-town private eye and part-time assassin Bonnie Parker is back, in another high-voltage adventure set on the Jersey Shore. 

Bonnie thought she'd put her troubles behind her when she killed mob boss Frank Lazzaro and got away clean. But nothing's that easy. Russian mafia kingpin Anton Streinikov has taken a personal interest in the killing — and in Bonnie herself. He wants her delivered to his greenhouse, where very bad things happen. 

It doesn't help that Bonnie's latest client has set the cops on her tail, giving the local chief of police his best chance to put her behind bars. All in all, she's had better weekends. 

As night falls, she finds herself hunted by bad guys and cops, outmaneuvered, outgunned, and in the fight of her life. Luckily, only the good die young—and Bonnie is bad to the bone.
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Small-town private investigator and part-time assassin Bonnie Parker isn't expecting any trouble at the boardwalk amusement arcade in South Jersey — until she meets Kyle Ridley, a renegade drug courier on the run, who desperately requires Bonnie's special skills to keep herself alive.

Going up against a ruthless drug syndicate isn't anyone's idea of fun and games, especially when the enemy is the Dragusha clan, whose graying patriarch – Ujku, the Wolf – has a penchant for shipping his victims out of Port Newark in a freighter’s cargo hold, locked in a steel container where no one can hear their screams.

What started as another day at the beach turns into Bonnie's longest and most harrowing night as she tangles with professional killers, sadistic thugs, and a deeply crazy man out of her past. It’s the ultimate test of luck and skill, with the odds against her stacked impossibly high, and Bonnie wouldn't play at all if she didn't have her own skin in the game.
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It takes a killer … to stop a killer.

That’s how crime lord Armin Petrossian sees it when he summons Bonnie Parker to his palatial home on Christmas Eve. Petrossian has personal reasons to take care of the serial killer known as the Man in the Moon. And Bonnie—a private investigator on the Jersey Shore who moonlights as a freelance assassin—seems like the perfect choice for the job. 

But the Man in the Moon has secret accomplices who are playing their own deadly game. 

And they don’t intend to let anyone spoil their holiday plans ...
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There's an October chill in the air. 

A presidential election is coming up. 

Covid is spreading, and everybody's wearing a mask. 

And in the burned-out industrial city of Canaan, demonstrations turn violent as radicals clash with police.

In the midst of it all is Bonnie Parker, a small-town PI on the Jersey Shore, who's reputed to moonlight as an assassin when the need arises. For nearly four years, Bonnie's kept her head down and her hands clean, but that may be about to change, as she finds herself targeted by the activist group Red Front, a disgruntled local hitman, and a neo-Nazi "fixer" who remembers his past lives. Stir in a posse of homeless grifters and their psychopathic dog, add a conspiracy stretching from the newly formed Revolutionary Occupied Zone to the mansions of Cherry Heights, and top it off with the mother of all hangovers ...

It's enough to make a girl want to shoot somebody – or at least pour herself another drink. 

Non-series suspense

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You may remember Grace Corday … 

Or, as she was known on TV, Amazing Grace. She’s the psychic who can divine your secrets by holding an object belonging to you in her hand. Psychometry, it’s called.  

Millions of reality-TV fans bought her act—until the debacle in Michigan, when she inserted herself into a missing-person case with disastrous results. Now she’s off the air, out of money, mocked by skeptics and former fans, and being sued by everyone. Her producer and sometime boyfriend has walked away. Her friends don’t take hercalls. Her new apartment has a view of a homeless camp.

The last thing Grace should do is get involved in another criminal case. But when the mother of a missing girl in Arizona begs for help, she can’t say no. Rescuing sixteen-year-old Riley Kendrick—honor student, star athlete, only child of a single mom—is Grace’s shot at redemption, a chance to prove she’s not the fraud everyone says she is …

Unless, of course, she’s been lying to herself all along. 
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Kate Malick’s first calling was as a Carmelite nun, a life devoted to prayer and faith. Now she runs a Hollywood security service dedicated to protecting its clients. But Kate’s most troublesome client, teenage celebutante Chelsea Brewer, is a walking, talking, slow-motion train wreck who’s testing that devotion. The poster child for the pitfalls of childhood fame and fortune, Chelsea careens from one party to the next, riding the ragged edge between celebrity … and fatality.

When a huge bet is placed on her impending demise,Chelsea disappears, forcing Kate to leap into action. Searching Hollywood’s darkest corners and seediest hiding places in a desperate attempt to find her client, Kate uncovers a tangled conspiracy of revenge and betrayal. But time is running out, and if Kate doesn’t find Chelsea, the bet will leave one person rich, one woman shattered, and one young girl dead. Flying at a breakneck pace and full of unrelenting tension, Grave of Angels journeys full-tilt into the dark side of fame.
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Jennifer Silence reads between the lines. A psycholinguistic analyst, she studies documents written by murderers, teasing out hidden clues. But nothing in her life has prepared her for the document that is now in her hands. A leather-bound diary from a crumbling crypt. 

The diary of Jack the Ripper.

If it is genuine, it suggests a troubling connection between Jennifer's family and history's most infamous serial killer. A connection that may explain her father's suicide ... and her brother's mental illness. A connection that may implicate her brother in a new rash of killings, and prove that the Ripper's spirit still prowls dark streets and alleys, taking lives ...

And the next victim may be Jennifer herself.
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John Cray has a secret. For twelve years he has stalked and kidnapped women, setting them loose in the mountains of eastern Arizona, hunting them like animals, and taking their lives. He has left no clues. He is suspected by no one. Or so he thinks.

But now he has a problem. Somebody—a woman whose name he doesn't know—is stalking him.

He plans to turn the tables on his mysterious pursuer. But even Cray isn't prepared to confront the truth when he discovers it—or to deal with the shattering implications of a past he had thought long buried and an obsessive madness he cannot control ...

"Stealing Faces is truly thrilling as well as chilling: I could not put this book down. Reading the first few chapters is like reading the climax for most thrillers and the excitement just keeps building … I thought the lightning-paced thrills were going to give me a heart attack!" - Judith Flavell, The Mystery Reader
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Erica Garrison has long suspected her brother Robert of a terrible crime, but she has never sought proof, afraid of what she might find - until today. Now, in the secret underground caverns below the rural town of Barrow, Pennsylvania, she searches for the site of the childhood games she and Robert played - games that may have sparked a homicidal fascination that grips him to this day. And all the while her brother, and her past, are inexorably closing in ...
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C.J. Osborn was ten years old when the boogeyman came for her. Ever since, she has feared his return.

Now an LAPD cop, C.J. faces danger every day on the streets of Newton Division - "Shootin' Newton," the city's roughest territory. But the greatest danger lies in C.J.'s own home, where a stranger's eyes are watching her - a stranger who plans to finish what he started sixteen years ago …
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"Those who prefer thrillers packed with psychological complexity, truly demented characters and nonstop, unexpected plot twists will enjoy this terrifying treat from Prescott. Brilliant psychiatrist Robin Cameron seems on the verge of success with an experimental program that uses a magnetic helmet to trigger, then modify, old angers that cause criminal behavior. Atypical serial killer Justin Gray initially seems a promising subject for rehab since his murders of high school girls involved mixed motivations—he didn't torture them or sexually molest them, and he has to drink to deal with death. Indeed, Gray seems almost cuddly compared to traumatized LAPD Sergeant Alan Brand, who unwittingly admits to a cold-blooded killing while under Robin's care. When Gray escapes and Robin's teenaged daughter is kidnapped, Robin doesn't know who to accuse. The possibly rehabbed killer? The supposed good cop Alan? Or is there a bigger and more sinister conspiracy afoot? The suspense doesn't let up until the last page, and even then, readers will continue to speculate, as Robin does, whether a killer's yearning for blood is learned or innate. Without a doubt, this dark, compulsive read messes with your mind and makes you love it.”—Publishers Weekly
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On a bad night in L.A., shy and timid Wendy Alden survives a terrifying encounter with a serial killer nicknamed the Gryphon. 

But the Gryphon isn’t through with Wendy. His insane obsession drives him to strike at her again and again.

And again ...
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Death stalks the streets of Los Angeles, seeking the most innocent of victims … and for LAPD Detective Robert Card, the next outrage may strike terrifyingly close to home.

"An absorbing thriller.”—Publishers Weekly
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They call him the Rag Doll Man. In the guise of a police officer, he prowls the streets of Los Angeles and the run-down suburb of Corona Beach, seeking victims among the forgotten girls who sell their bodies for a fistful of cash.

LAPD detective Donna Wildman, trained in criminal profiling, is loaned out to Corona Beach to bring in the killer. But when the trail of clues twists toward the station house itself, Donna begins to fear that the Rag Doll Man may be one of her own colleagues—one who is watching her every move.
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Kirstie and Steve Gardner are hoping to enjoy a vacation getaway on a tropical island paradise in the Florida Keys - until a man from Steve's past shows up with the law on his trail and murder on his mind. 

"Fans of psychological thrillers can never go wrong with one of Prescott's disturbing novels. He knows how to take ordinary people and twist them around so thoroughly that you know longer know just who the bad guy truly is. Then when you are on the edge of your seat, he throws in a twist that knocks you sideways!" - Roundtable Reviews
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In the dead of night, psychologist Erin Reilly is abducted from her Tucson home. Her kidnapper—a serial killer who burns his victims alive. Tormented by his obsession, he wants Erin to cure him before he kills again. If she fails, she'll become his next victim.  

While Erin's twin sister Annie searches desperately for her, Erin delves into her captor's psyche and his past, discovering a secret guilt ... a complex web of crime and betrayal ... and an unexpected connection between the killer and herself. 
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Rookie patrol officer Trish Robinson isn't expecting to see any action during another routine night on the job. But when she and her training officer answer a prowler call at a remote estate, the two cops walk into an ambush laid by a crew of ruthless criminals. Disarmed, cut off from help, and outnumbered five to one, the young rookie must draw on inner resources she never knew she possessed as she plays a game of cat-and-mouse with hardened killers in a desperate battle to survive.
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Nothing ever happens in Dogtown. 

The people here—lost souls, all—go through the motions of their days, living in tents, scrounging for food and cash.

Shaw is one of them, no better than anyone else. No better than Seph, who used to hook on the street and shoot up heroin ... or Dirty Bob, philosopher-cynic... or Dax, who lords it over the tent city like an angry tin god.

Then a woman named Lily turns up dead in her tent with a knife in her back—murdered in circumstances that make it an impossible crime, one of those locked- room brainteasers that defy all logic. And Shaw is the only one in Dogtown who can piece the puzzle together and point the finger of guilt. 

Because he’s the only one who cares …

Graphic fiction

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The Tess & Abby series

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The book that introduces my most popular character, Abby Sinclair. 

Abby stalks the stalkers. She goes undercover to assess whether the individual harrassing her client is merely an overzealous fan or a dangerous psychopath. The difference isn’t always apparent—until it’s too late. 

Raymond Hickle’s creepy fixation with L.A. news anchor Kris Barwood is cause for concern. Abby befriends Hickle, trying to gauge if and when he’ll strike. Yet her target is as wily as he is unhinged, and Abby has unwittingly made herself a madman’s latest obsession. With her reputation and life on the line, Abby must save Kris before Hickle eliminates them both.
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The book that introduces FBI special agent Tess McCallum.

"To any thriller fan who didn't sleep through the 1990s, the protagonists of Prescott's fifth novel will seem comfortingly familiar: the heroine is a blonde, gray-eyed single (and single-minded) FBI agent; the villain is a crafty, complex and completely insane serial killer. Unlike cannibal Hannibal, however, the mysterious Mobius is not a unique monster; he's terrifying precisely because he's so ordinary, an everyman who could be just about anyone ... or anywhere. And unlike cool Clarisse, Tess McCallum's career and psyche have both been frozen since the night she arrived at her "secure" home to find her fellow FBI agent, and supposedly secret lover, ritually murdered by the slippery sex-killer she had been pursuing. Now, two deceptively quiet years later, Mobius is back, with a new identity and a new weapon that enables him to morph from mere serial killer to mass murderer—unless Tess can find the elusive madman before he kills her, along with much of Los Angeles. Unrelentingly suspenseful, this psychological chiller is only for those with a high terror threshold.”—Publishers Weekly
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The first book in the Tess & Abby trilogy. 

FBI agent Tess McCallum is hunting the Rain Man, a kidnapper who leaves his victims chained in the vast storm drain system below Los Angeles, doomed to drown unless a ransom is paid. To stop him, Tess reluctantly partners with freelance security operative Abby Sinclair, who specializes in putting stalkers behind bars—by any means necessary. 
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The second book in the Tess & Abby trilogy.

Private security consultant Abby Sinclair is an expert on identifying - and neutralizing - stalkers. But she's never worked for a U.S. congressman before. When Jack Reynolds hires her to investigate the mystery woman who's shadowing him at public events, she has no idea that she'll end up interfering in a federal investigation - and that FBI special agent Tess McCallum is about to come back into her life.

"Stunning ... Prescott has created two of the fiercest and most commanding heroines to come along in a while" —New Mystery Reader Magazine
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The final book in the Tess & Abby trilogy

Murderer Peter Faust, found not guilty by reason of insanity, has become an international celebrity–a hero to disaffected young people and pop-culture poseurs. But fame has its price, as Faust learns when he finds he is being stalked by a mysterious stranger. To protect himself, he hires rogue security consultant Abby Sinclair, a streetwise vigilante who will deal with the threat by any means necessary. What Abby doesn't know is that her sometime partner and recent adversary, FBI Special Agent Tess McCallum, is about to be pulled into the case–setting the two women on a collision course that will end in violence, betrayal, and death. 

“Fans of psychological thrillers can never go wrong with Prescott.”–Roundtable Reviews

Horror & SF/Fantasy

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She awakes in the city of Nineveh in the year 612 BC. The armies of the Medes and Babylonians are at the gates. The Empire of Assyria is about to fall. And a sorcerer named Shamash-iddin is locked in a deadly contest with his oldest friend and fiercest enemy – Urad-Gula, once the king’s exorcist, now a worshiper of evil antediluvian gods.

She has been brought here, across the centuries, for a single purpose. In her own time she is fated to sing the Blood Song, the most monstrous of all incantations, meant to deliver the world into the clutches of demons loosed from hell. Only she can unsing it. She must find a way – tonight, before the city dies in chaos – and before Urad-Gula can use his dark arts to banish her soul to the House of Dust.

Michael Prescott says, “BLOOD SONG is an entirely new version of a horror novel I wrote nearly forty years ago, which I called DeathSong. That one was set in the modern world. The new story takes place in ancient Mesopotamia, in a walled city facing its final hours. It’s different from most of my other work, but if you like battling wizards, shape-shifting phantoms, and dark Lovecraftian gods biding their time until they can reclaim the world, then I think you’ll like this.”
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"Do you believe in life after death?" It's a question Daniel Brand finds himself answering after he picks up a mysterious woman on the side of an Arizona highway long after midnight. The issue isn't merely philosophical. His passenger, Claire Holland, is a psychic medium on the run from a secret conspiracy holding the key to the truth about life, death ... and what comes after. 

Chasing Omega is a 30,000 word paranormal thriller seasoned with cosmological speculation and spiritual exploration.
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“This is the story of three summer days on the street where I grew up. Three days that I lived twice ...” 

Imagine that you turn a corner and find yourself instantly, inexplicably transposed in space and time to the world of your childhood, more than four decades ago. George McGovern is running for president. Miniskirts and bell-bottom jeans are in fashion. A can of tuna fish costs forty-nine cents. 

And there’s no way out. 

You must be there for a reason. And you begin to suspect what it is. If you’re right, it will require you to take a man's life in an act of cold-blooded, premeditated murder. But that’s okay.

You’ve murdered before …

New York Times and USA Today bestseller Michael Prescott delivers a haunting tale of obsession, violence, and destiny in his 25,000-word novella — The Street.
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Wake up to a new kind of terror—an electrifying chase through the concrete labyrinth of a steam-tunnel system, where something lurks in the shadows.

Something big. Something hungry. 

It's blood sport for the crazies who organize these nocturnal hunts, and a game of death for their latest victim. But unlike all the others, he's a man well acquainted with death. A man who has murdered for money. A man who intends to kill the thing that's stalking him—and kill it hard. 

Die Wide Awake
, a 20,000 word novella, is available in a ebook and print editions.
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Seventeen stories, many never before published, ranging from mystery and suspense to horror, fantasy, and science-fiction. 

Included are "Stalkerama," an Abby Sinclair adventure; "Rite of Passage," about a young boy who suspects his father of a terrible crime; "Long Goat," a tale of voodoo in Los Angeles; "Voivode," a search for the real Dracula; and the title story, "Steel Trap," about forbidden love in the red-light district of a future Singapore.
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Little Timothy Cutter has a secret. He knows the truth behind his parents' inexplicable deaths. He knows about the runa: ageless, bodiless, a shadow thing that invades a human host and steals its victim's soul with a kiss …

Robert Thorn, too, has a secret. Twelve years ago he unleashed the runa on the world. Ever since, he has been stalking it across two continents, following a trail of corpses that cast no shadows. He has sworn to stop the runa ... and Timothy is the key.

Only one thing stands in Thorn's way—Dr. Rachel Weiss, the therapist assigned to help the traumatized boy.

In the concrete canyons and shadowed hilltops of Los Angeles, Timothy, Rachel, and Thorn find themselves locked in a deadly dance, as mankind's oldest enemy inexorably closes in ...

Out of print for two decades, Shadow Dance is now available, newly revised, in ebook and print editions.   
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The people of Tuskett, California, sense something wrong with the man who comes striding out of the Mojave, the man with icy blue eyes. Something unnatural, like a prayer recited backward or a cross hung upside down.

Something evil.

Then darkness falls, draping the sleepy desert town like a burial shroud, and in the night shadows the man called Kane goes to work.

And his work is death ...
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Four highly trained attack dogs are caged inside a truck traveling down a lonely stretch of New Jersey highway … but not for long. When the truck crashes, the animals break loose. Bred to kill, they waste no time before claiming their first victim … and then another … and another ..

As the death toll mounts, one man steps up to capture or destroy the feral animals - Karl Masterson, the man who bred and trained them, and who knows them better than anyone else. But even Masterson may be no match for the most cunning of all the dogs, the Doberman named Razor.

Violent, bloody, and unrelentingly intense, Manstopper was praised by  Stephen King as "one of the best paperback originals of the year.” Out of print for more than two decades, Manstopper is again available in both ebook and print editions.  
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This is the story of a trio of legionnaires in the days of the Emperor Hadrian, when Rome held sway over Egypt, and strange magic haunted the world.

When Celer and his friends Festus and Melior come upon a scroll stolen from Alexandria's great library, pointing the way to a thousand-year-old labyrinth of tombs, they know they've been offered the opportunity of a lifetime, a chance at riches beyond measure. To win it, they must desert their legion, sail up the Nile, and trek into the blazing western desert, the land of the setting sun — the realm of the Theban dead.

The three battle-hardened veterans are ready for anything, or so they think. But nothing can prepare them for what they find in an ancient burial ground hidden beneath eternal drifts of sand — a necropolis sacred to the lion goddess Pakhet, She of the Sharp Claws. 

She Who Scratches …
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This little story may be only eight pages long, but it took a surprisingly long time to come together. 

It started with a vivid dream and proceeded with bits and pieces of material that I wrote on and off for more than a year. I then put it aside for months before finally producing a readable narrative, which was pared down to essentials. 

The story reflects some conclusions I've reached about life, death, and the meaning of things, after more than twenty years of reading and blogging on topics such as spirituality, consciousness, and postmortem survival.

Nonfiction

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Over the past century and a half, a wealth of evidence has emerged that is consistent, at least, with the hypothesis of life after death. 

• Near-death experiences
• Deathbed visions
• Mediumship
• Apparitions 
• Past-life memories, and memories of a between-lives state

Yet even those who are inclined to take this evidence seriously may struggle to make sense of it. How can the idea of an afterlife be integrated into our everyday experience? How can we connect the seemingly nebulous notion of postmortem survival with the hard, tangible reality of life on earth?

Through metaphors, images, and analogies—illustrated with dozens of documented cases drawn from the literature of parapsychology—this book suggests ways of looking at life beyond death, not as a baffling anomaly, but as a logical extension of our experience of reality here and now. 

The hope is that we can learn to see reports of an afterlife as something more than mere ghost stories … and to sharpen the focus of our gaze on The Far Horizon

Praise for The Far Horizon

“As Michael Prescott points out, there is a wealth of evidence suggesting that consciousness survives death. However, the evidence is not easily understood without much dissection and discernment. Simply put, the subject is unworldly and mind-boggling. Prescott has been studying the subject for years and has gone well beyond the usual boggle threshold. He explains the evidence in more worldly terms while offering a very edifying perspective, one that can help a person move from doubt or blind faith to conviction. ”  

— Michael Tymn, author of 
The Afterlife Revealed & No One Really Dies: 25 Reasons to Believe in an Afterlife.

“Michael Prescott’s The Far Horizon is a brilliant meditation on human nature and destiny. His thesis is that we are all spiritual beings of pure awareness weighed down by human flesh, with death our deliverance and the Mind of God the ultimate prize. Reincarnation cases, deathbed visions, NDEs, apparitions, earthbound spirits, and mediumistic communications form the foundation of his thesis. In an arresting analogy, one of many, he compares each of us to a diamond, with our personality a flawed facet struggling through a succession of lives. The core of the diamond, or “oversoul,” is beautiful and precious, and at death we are reunited with it. Reading Prescott was both exciting and humbling: Here was a colleague with perspectives, as far apart as quantum theory and cosmic consciousness, that I had largely ignored in my research on the afterlife, and I found myself taking notes! Moreover, he writes with a flourish unusual for a scholar.  From beginning to end, an engrossing read.” 

— Stafford Betty, author of The Afterlife Therapist and Heaven and Hell Unveiled
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“For about twenty years,” Michael Prescott says, “I hosted a blog about evidence for life after death. I came to think that the best overall argument is the convergence of many different lines of inquiry. For that reason, Life & Afterlife uses near-death experiences, out-of-body experiences, deathbed visions, apparitions, past-life regressions, children’s memories of past lives, trance mediumship, experiences of sudden spiritual enlightenment, shamanic vision quests, experiments with mind-altering drugs, folklore and religion, remote viewing and other ESP tests, and even cases of spirit obsession and possession.

“When you step back and look at the totality of the evidence spanning so many cultures, eras, and disciplines, I find it impossible to justify an attitude of blanket denial.”

Humor

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The best laid plans of squirrels and men ...

For my first book written specifically for the ebook market, I tried something very different—Die Stupid, a goofball send-up of the thriller genre.

Sadly, my regular readers were not amused. Not wanting  to damage my brand, I took my name off the book and used a dumb pseudonym. 

I still think it’s funny. In fact, I recently updated the book with a new cover and some slightly more topical (but still stupid) jokes. 

Buy Die Stupid in an ebook edition for just $2.99 and regret it for the rest of your life. Or make the even more questionable decision to buy the trade paperback edition for eight bucks you will never get back.
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Owen Fusterbuster — or in this case his distant ancestor — strikes again! Yes, the not-at-all-famous author of the not-exactly-bestselling sendup of the thriller genre Die Stupid is back, this time with an even greater waste of your precious time.

It's Obamandias & Hildebeast, a mercifully brief (50 pages or so) Elizabethan tragedy recounting … well, here’s how the 1569 quarto’s title page describes it: 

"The bloody war between King Obamandias and the Lady Hildebeast, as it was written by Mr. Owen Fusterbuster, Gent., with the pleasant japes of the braggart Brian of Williams, the lamentations of Monica, the merry songs of Bill the Bastard, and the antic foolery of Colbert, the toad. As it has been played several times at the Squat and Gobble by the Lord High Dog-Walker's Men."

All of it is told in rhymed couplets that redefine poetry (downward), with an afterword by noted scholar Arthur Graves Gibbet, author of the monograph "Fusterbuster's Monica: 'Tis Pity She's a Humidor.”